Thursday, 5 December 2013

Not Anxious? Well, Maybe a Little

Sorry for the quiet here on the blog, but looking at what will be happening in our lives over the few weeks and months, I think it will be history miss if I can find time and energy to sit still and have anything meaning full end up on here.

Our lives have been moving very quickly in many different directions but today I will only fill you in on one.

As many of you have read or been told, last time I was pregnant I had a wonderful pregnancy but a terrible recovery after delivery.  I developed an infection from being at the hospital and it caused my body to form a blood clot on my right ovary (ovarian vein thrombosis is what they call it). It caused me tremendous pain and I hurried back to the hospital thinking that my appendix had, or was going to, burst.

After much searching and a few scary hours of thinking it could be a few different things, the doctors finally came in to tell us what it was. And that they wanted to put me on blood thinners for the next 6 months.  At the conclusion of the six months, I was tested for anything and everything under the sun that could have caused me to clot how I did. They didn't find anything.

Fast forward to this pregnancy, at 20 weeks gestation, the doctor told me that he had been talking to some colleagues about me and they had decided that the best course of action would be to likely put me on blood thinners for the remainder of my pregnancy.  My GP sent me to an OB/GYN, it took a month for me to get in to see him.  Then he decided he didn't really know the best course of action so he sent me to meet with a Haematologist. That also took another month, good thing it wasn't a serious, potentially fatal thing, like getting a blood clot, having a heart attack or stroke, that they were worried about. (I hope you caught my sarcasm)

Anyway, yesterday, I finally got in to see my Haematologist. He believes there is nothing to worry about and that this time around I should be totally fine. (This was now 10 weeks after my GP saying that I would likely need blood thinners via injections 1-2 times a day for the rest of my pregnancy)

Throughout the whole ordeal I was able to feel a great peace with everything. I knew that really nothing would be gained from my worrying and, most of the time, I felt peace.

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Matthew 6:27

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down,
    but a good word makes him glad.

Proverbs 12:25

But one worry of the world gone and another takes its place. 

Yesterday, I also had a GP appointment. In which I commented on how differently this moves than my last two. She seems to do a lot more jerky movements and a lot less real hard kicks. Most often if I feel her move at all, it is minor shifts and adjustments like she is just trying to get comfortable. 

With Little A, I could put on music and watch my whole belly wiggle and roll as she kicked and squirmed to the music. She would also do the same thing at the sound of Hubby's voice. She just loved to move. 

I realise that every child is different as is every pregnancy so I didn't think anything of it at first. But as things continued I decided I should mention it to my GP.   He seemed a little more concerned and sent me for an ultrasound and a non stress test.  

The ultrasound was completed this morning and the non stress test this afternoon. During the ultrasound scan the Dr did what is called a biophysical profile test (BPP). The test looks for muscle tone, movement, breathing, and the amount of amniotic fluid around the baby.  Baby, (who is confirmed for sure as a girl), scored 6 out of 8 on her BPP at the ultrasound but the rest of the score comes from the non stress test.  

The reason, I was told, for her being docked the two marks was that she didn't move as much as he would have liked to have seen. He also informed me that her cord was wrapped around her throat. He said that he had to look at it a few times to make sure it wasn't wrapped around twice, at first it appeared to be but after further examination it became apparent that it was wrapped once then had the cord resting on top of the wrapped portion. 

The non stress test was interesting. Of course it could have been a lot less stressful and frustrating if the nurses I had were at least somewhat compassionate, or could have at least faked it.  Baby was hard to get a good heart rate on because she is still so small at 30 weeks, but they did eventually get a good reading and then I had to lay still for 20+ minutes while the machine watched her heart rate and movements. 

The nurses seemed uncaring about my concern or fears and treated me like I was just some silly woman who was fretting over nothing.  I tried to make it clear to them that it was actually my doctor who sent me for tests, not myself, and that he was the one that had some concerns. They just continued to tell me that maybe I should pay more attention to the movements and its probably hard to with two other kids running around. 

Sadly, the nurses were not present for my ultrasound in which they would have seen that all of the movements that their machine was picking up and they were saying I was just not feeling (I was by the way), were actually really small twitches and wiggles, not kicks like I would normally expect to be feeling. 

Anyway. I have no idea what is happening and really all of the tests and things do not tell me anything.  And if they do tell me things, most of the time there is nothing I can do to change it. 

This little girl is and has always been, in Gods hands. 

I am constantly reminded that my worrying and fear will not change a thing.  This is his baby, he has a perfect plan for it, and I just get to enjoy being a part of that plan. 

But, if you remember to, please pray for me and my little one. We have come through a lot of needless stresses and we seem to always have more added on top. 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 14:27

This was what I was greeted with when I woke up to go to the washroom. Hubby new that I would need a little boost and since he couldn't go with me to the tests he left me this.  It brought tears to my eyes, he is so loving.  

I kept this verse Hubby left for me with me all day and held to the truth in it. 

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