Thursday, 29 May 2014

God's Princesses

A while back Little A and some of her friends we had a "Royal Red Tea Party".

The whole idea for it came about after we read the story "God's Little Princess, Gigi's Royal Tea Party".

Once we had finished reading it Little A asked me if she could have a tea party too.  She said that it should be red and not pink and then she proceeded to choose her guests.

I asked what we should have at the tea party, meaning what food or drinks we should have. Her response was wonderful, " Cups, and plates, and spoons."  Perfect. Easiest party ever.

So we went about planning a Royal Red Tea Party, since we couldn't call it a princess party since we had some little princes we were inviting.

The day was perfect. Little A was so excited about having all her friends over and about all of the decorations.  She had seen some of the pieces of it as it was being put together, since I did some decorating before hand so that I wasn't doing it all the morning of the party.

Since our party was set for the morning we kept it somewhat healthy and had fruit (red ones of course), White Chocolate Raspberry Muffins, Banana Berry Bread (Gluten Free- made by my sister), and some sparkling fruit juice for the little tea cups.

The kids had a wonderful time during tea and then headed outside to jump and dance around on the trampoline and play in the sand.

During the party Little A must have changed her outfit a handful of times. She loves playing dress up.  Most of the royal guests were also dressed in their finery and it was a lot of fun seeing them oo and aa over each others outfits.

After the party Little A and I read through the book again and talked about what it meant to be Gods Little Princess.
She then told me that she wanted all her friends to be God's children as well.  (Music to my ears)

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"
1 John 3:1

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession,that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 

1 Peter 1:9

The most wonderful thing about knowing that you are a child of God, is the closeness that comes from that. I know that the little tea party was fun for the kids but I really wanted to give Little A something to remember and that would remind her that she is a princess because she belongs to the Father. 

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Romans 8:14-17

I love those verses.  They speak to my soul every time I read them.  

By the Spirit we call Abba Father. "Abba" is used as a term of endearment for a father, it is translated not just to father but to daddy, papa, or dear Father. 

There is something wonderful about being able to cry out to the God of the universe and call him daddy. 

Daddy is used by children as a term of endearment.  It would be strange to hear a child call their father, daddy, if they never see them or barely know them.  Daddy evokes thoughts of trust and comfort, closeness. 

And because of being Gods children we can approach God with freedom and confidence. We can put our trust in him. We can hope in him and know that he has plans for our good. 

 In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. 

Ephesians 3:12

There is nothing more I want for my children then for them to know Christ and be able to approach God with freedom and confidence, knowing that they have been adopted into sonship. 


Saturday, 10 May 2014

From A Regular Mother

I know that mothers day is supposed to be about celebrating moms but I have been thinking lately about what it means to me to be a mother and what my job really is. 
So this mothers day I wanted to share with the world an open letter for my children.

I Love You (ASL)
My Precious Kiddos,
You are my world. Each of you have been given to me as a tremendous blessing.  There is nothing else I would ever want to do with my life and nothing I am more proud of than being your mom.
Each day that I spend with you I learn more about you and the characters that God has created you with and to be.  You change so much all of the time and as you learn and grow you are teaching me more about myself and about God. 

You fill my life with so much joy. But you also make me crazy. You test my patience more than I ever thought was possible. Sometimes it feels like you are teaming up and trying to make me go bald from pulling out my hair.  There are times that it feels like I can never do anything right but they are out numbered tenfold by the times that you make me feel like I could do no wrong in your eyes.

I know that there will be times in our lives together when you will feel like I don't love you. Times when you feel like I am being unfair and unkind.  But I pray that you will remember that we discipline because we love you.  We only want the best for you and we pray blessings over you everyday.  So, I hope, that when those times come when you feel like you hate me and that we will never see eye to eye, that you will at least remember that I love you and will continue to love you no matter what you do.

You will make mistakes. You will hurt my feelings and I will hurt yours. We will misunderstand each other and sometimes we will understand each other but not agree. But being your mom is the greatest joy and blessing and I want you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you can never make me stop loving you.

I know that the choices that you make in your life are yours to make. You will have to live with the consequences of your actions and only you will be judged for them.  I want you to know that I know I am not your judge, I will do everything I can to teach you the path of the righteous but in the end it is you who will choose which way you will go. 

I will keep loving you when we fight, when we yell and when we make up.
I will love you even if you get piercings, tattoos, or have any kind of crazy hair (its just hair, I may have crazy hair right along side of you).
I will continue to love you if you fail in school, don't do your homework, or get called into the principals office.
My love is still there if you sneak out of the house, if you drink, smoke, or do drugs.
I will not stop loving you if you choose to be straight or homosexual.
I will continue to love you if you have sex before marriage or if you abstain until you are married.
I will continue to love you when you have a baby, married or not.
My love for you wont disappear when you parent your kids in a strange way I don't understand or agree with.

My love will not go away if you walk away from God.

I may not agree with what you do, where you go with your life and how you act, but there is nothing you could do that would make me ever stop loving you.  I am your mom and that means you have my heart, you carry it in your heart.

I tell you this because I know that I am not the best parent in the world.  I know that I am a flawed human being.  I know that our Father in heaven is the best dad there is, and that his children make horrible decisions, just look at how corrupt and hurtful people from the church can be.  I know that that heavenly father is the best there is, and his children, even though they try, are often not like him, they are not perfect.

So, I, your not perfect mother, just want you to know that I love you as much as I possibly can, more than I ever knew was possible and until the day that I die and beyond.

But I also want you to know that as much as I love you, your Heavenly Father loves you more.  There are people who would want you to believe that there are mistakes that you can make that will make God stop loving you.  They are absolutely wrong.  There is nothing you can do that can separate you from His love.

God has given us choices, he allows us to make mistakes. And just like me, watching you make those mistakes hurts him.  The sins that we commit hurt him, hurt you, and distance you from God because he cannot be close to your sin.  But that does not ever make his love leave you. I pray that you will always know that and be able to stand up to the lies of the enemy and of the people around you, that try to hurt people with those lies.

Because there are those people, the ones that think they can judge others and their sins. People that believe that they can hurt people and make them feel small because they think that the sins that they commit are less bad than your sins. They are wrong, no sin is bigger than another and all sin hurts us because of keeping us from God (But not keeping us from his love).

So know these truths and never let go of them, share them with those that are hurting because of the lies people tell.

For the Lord your God is living among you.
    He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
    With his love, he will calm all your fears.
    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:17

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Lamentations 3:22-23

 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.  This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
1 John 4:9-10

I love you Kiddos. Always have always will.
Your Momma

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Shaken and Afraid

The other night was quite and interesting one.   We spent the weekend away visiting family and had a wonderful time.  But Sunday night was difficult, both for Little A and for myself.

We had the kids off to bed by 8 o'clock which is a huge accomplishment when we are visiting family, they always have too much fun to really want to go to sleep.  The kids were sharing a room, E man in a playpen and Little A in a big girl bed, but they share at home so they had done pretty well. But Sunday night was different, Little A talked and sang for quite some time.  Then suddenly we heard sobbing and calling for mommy.

At first we thought it was E man trying to get me to come and give him another hug or something, but then I realized it was Little A and she sounded very upset. Hubby went in quickly because I was feeding the baby.

Apparently Little A saw something scary in her room.

Hubby prayed with our little princess and cuddled her until she calmed down.  Together they cast the thing out and prayed the blood of Jesus over her and the whole house.  He reminded her of how big God is, that he is always with her and that he loves her very much. Then he tucked her back in and left the room.

Shortly there after it happened again.

This time I went in and prayed with her.  But she could not calm down. She said that it wasn't leaving even after we prayed.   So I asked her what she thought we should do and she said we should pray with Grandpa and Daddy.

We all prayed again and tried to comfort my sad little girl.  The men left and Little A asked me to stay with her for a minute.  And after quite a few minutes of holding her hand while she tried to go to sleep I had to go and feed the baby.  

We got the kids to bed that night at 8 and she finally slept by 12:30 am. 

My Lovely Sisters and Myself.  ( I am the cutie in red)
The worst part of this for me was the feeling of helplessness that I had the moment I heard her cry out and say she was seeing something scary. 

I can still remember all of the horrible things that I saw while alone in that room.  We moved into the house my parents are in when I was 12 years old. But that time I had been having spiritual dreams and visions for many years and when we moved into that house they got worse. 

Around the same time as our move to the new home, my family began to work at a downtown children's church working with inner-city kids. It was a huge blessing to work with these amazing kids that were so excited to learn about Jesus' love when they were being so neglected and abused at home.  Working with those kind of kids brings a lot of hard things, the least of which was the lice that we dealt with on what felt like a weekly basis. 

The worst thing I had to handle was a little girl telling me, a little girl myself really, about how she was raped by her uncle.  Hearing things like that from the mouths of sweet children that are drowning in sorrow and hurt, that are starving for someone to love them, hearing those things breaks your heart and changes who you are.

Sunday afternoons with those kids was the hardest, most heartbreaking and rewarding thing I have ever done.  Every Sunday we started our ministry with prayer, for safety, for help to get through it, and for God to speak his message and his love to all that came.  Then we would get onto buses and go and pick up the kids from the filth that they were living in, praying as we went.  Once we got all those hundreds of children into the building we fed them physically and spiritually. It was an amazing thing to be a part of. 

Then when we were finished and finally pulled into our driveway, we would all just sit in the car for a moment, so drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually that we could not even move.  Then we would pray and we would leave the car feeling so thankful for the opportunity to speak to and love on those kids and feeling a new overflowing of the Fathers love for us and for the kids our hearts were broken for. 

The problem was that the battle never just ended after we got out of the car.   We would get out of the car and begin to fight a battle in our hearts over the next week. The enemy would send an onslaught through the week that would leave us tired and feeling like we were empty and had nothing to offer those children.  Every Sunday we would have to struggle against our selves to get back in the car to go downtown and again and again God proved faithful to be our strength and shine his love when we had nothing left to give. 

I share all of that with you because it played a huge role in what happened while alone in my room, feeling not just physically alone but spiritually alone as well.  
I can still close my eyes and see some of the horrible and frightening thing that came at me in my sleep. There was many a time when I would wake up in cold sweats from a battle I was fighting in my dreams only to find that with my eyes open they were still there, sneering and trying to fill me with fear and steal the blessings that God was giving me. 

Those "things" that were in my room as a child all came flooding back into my mind as I heard my daughter cry out. I felt me skin crawl and my stomach wretch. I was stuck somewhere between wanting to cry and wanting to run in sword and tongue set ablaze with righteous anger. 

When it was my turn to be in there with her, when she saw the scary things for the second time, I felt a crawly feeling on my skin and a sneering, familiar glare looking at me.  I was taken aback and was shaken. I was reminded of all those fears all over again and of praying and worshiping and trying to force the demons to leave.  And as I prayed with Little A I felt like a child again, a helpless child that couldn't make the "scary things" leave. The enemy was using my daughters fears to get to me and I was letting him. 

But thankfully my daughter has already learned a few things from struggles in the past. There is strength in numbers.  And that we serve a God that is always with us.  It was actually her words that pulled me from my fear filled stupor and reminded me of the God that I love and serve. 

That night we were both frightened, Little A because she saw "scary things" that she could not make go away on her own. And myself, because I was reminded of my own fears from long ago and because I realized that my little girl is going to have to fight scary battles sometimes, just like I did.  

I take comfort in knowing that I was never really alone, the enemy just wanted to make me feel that way.  I was never weak or small, I am filled with the Holy Spirit and he has already conquered death and all of the things of this world.  I would never have changed any of my childhood, attacks, battles and all. And I am comforted because I know how real God was to me because of what I struggled through as a kid. I don't want my children to have to face hardships and trails, but I know that I have never questioned the reality of my God because of the things I have seen. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

I am working hard on teaching the kids about the Armour of God, and reminding myself that I too need to remember to dress myself daily in that armour as well.  

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Ephesians 6:10-18

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Life in General

I am sorry that I have been so MIA lately. But life with three definitely is hectic and takes more time away from being able to blog.

Baby Joy has been such a blessing. She really is a joyful child and she started smiling and laughing within a few weeks after birth. (I know everyone always says its gas, but trust me, her gassy face looks nothing like a smile)  The big kids adore her, they are constantly trying to hold her and cuddle or kiss her.

Its funny how things change from your first to your third.  I remember trying to be so vigilant to have Little A sleeping in her crib for all her naps, with E Man it was about half as much and with Baby Joy, she is rarely in her own bed.  It is a little different for her also because Hubby is home from work so he gets to enjoy cuddling her while she sleeps and during the big kids naps the poor girl looses her bed to her big brother so that he can nap in peace.  (The big kids share a room and talk and play if they are both in it during naps)

Baby Joy has also become very used to it being loud.  With Little A the house was always very quiet while she napped since it was just me at home.  Now as we have added more children each has been exponentially more used to it.  Baby Joy can sleep through almost anything.  The other day while trying to work on some crafts during the silence of their naps, Joy kept waking up crying. Finally I turned on some worship music and she went right to sleep, the only time she seemed to stir was when the songs were quieter or when it was changing songs.

This is what a lot of our days are like lately (minus the snow),
we are loving all the family time we get to have. 
We have been doing pretty well these past 8 weeks. I cannot believe she has been with us that long, it really has flown by and when I think about it I am saddened to think it may be the last time we have a newborn.   I know that you should never decide if you are done having children while you are still dealing with a newborn, but the more we talk about it the more we feel like we may be done.   Both Hubby and I have started to feel like it will really have to be a God thing for us to have another baby.  He will either have to surprise us with a pregnancy or bless us with a child to adopt.

Neither Hubby nor I have ever really thought about adoption but while we were pregnant with Baby Joy we both started thinking of it.  And that feeling has grown stronger since having her.  I think we are still a long way from adopting a child, but it is now something that we feel God is putting on our hearts and possibly preparing us for.   ( I know it kind of seems crazy to adopt more when we already have three, but someone needs to care for them and we have enough love to offer to more than just our own children)

Anyway, I realize that this was a very random and all over the place kind of post but I thought maybe I should fill you in on some of what life has been like here in our crazy nest.  Things are calming down and becoming more normal as I get used to Baby Joys schedule and having my Hubby around 24/7. And hopefully the calming brings more time for me to take for myself and for writing.

I am always so shocked by how much I miss it when I don't blog.  I never thought I would ever blog in the first place and now I cannot imagine not writing.

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Welcoming Baby - Part 2

Last week I began to tell the story of the birth of my little girl.  Read it Here.
The story of this little girl has been long and confusing. She was planned by God and his hand has been evident in her story from the beginning.

Looking back on the weeks leading up to her arrival I was terribly impatient. I wanted things to happen and to happen quickly. I read up on ways to induce labor and get things going, and tried a lot of them. Walking, Chinese food, spicy food, essential oils, greasy food, sex, reflexology, massage, squatting, and the kids and I even did zumba.

But, thankfully God is wiser than I. Thankfully He has a plan.  And thankfully, He had my little girls life in His hands.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

The Lord knows all human plans;
    he knows that they are futile.

Psalm 94:11

When I left off, I was squatting and walking the halls. My contractions were continuing despite the nurse telling me that they would stop since I wasn't in real labor.

I was squatting in my room listening to worship music while waiting for hubby to return with some food. Suddenly I hear a mans voice outside of my room, not my husbands voice. For a second I assume it's just a person visiting in the room next door. But then my door opens and in walks my doctor (at 9 o'clock). 

Thankfully, the aunt of a dear friend was on shift as a nurse that night, she had come to my room with my doctor so he could check on me.  It was hard not to cry with joy as he said that things were progressing and that as soon as they had a room they would break my water and really get things moving.   
Thank God for doctors that keep their word and check on you when they say they will.

Shortly after the doctor left Hubby arrived with my mom following shortly there after.   Hubby, Mom and I tried to pass the time while we waited on a delivery room and we played games, walked the halls and chatted through contractions.  It was really laid back and I was in a much better mood despite the mild to moderate pain. Knowing that she was coming and that I wasn't going to have to wait much longer really helped to lift my spirits.

At just after 11 we were finally taken down to a labour and delivery room.  The doctor came and broke my water, I have had to have this done with each delivery and normally they brake it and I have the baby within an hour.   This time, it hurt when he broke it and there just seemed to be a never ending amount of fluid.  My other kids were so low by that point that they broke the water and barely anything could get out around their giant  little heads.

The pain began to worsen after the doctor left so I got in the tub in hopes it would dull the pain a little. But I didn't last too long in the tub because I was just so uncomfortable and the pains were getting worse.

Now, here is where you need to know some background info.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance for someone who has never had to endure much pain.  I was induced with Little A and was talked into a demerol/gravol mix that made me really tired but numbed nothing of the pains. E Man was delivered naturally, no drugs, no gas, just breathing through the pain (and some groaning and crying).  With E's delivery, my doctor assumed that I had an epidural because when he came in to deliver I was talking and laughing with Hubby and my mom. The dr was shocked when the nurse told him I hadn't taken any thing that they had offered for the pain.

So, back to this time,  I got out of the tub and was in such immense pain that I started to loose it.  I started sobbing and saying, " I can't do this! I don't want to do this!" Which Hubby has heard me say before, twice actually.  Apparently I was saying the exact words I say every time I am moments away from delivery.  So Hubby sent my mom to go and get the nurse, we were about to do this thing.

We were all wrong.

The nurse checked me and I was 4 cm!!

I cried worse at this point and tried to get through the onslaught of contractions while they made me lay in the bed hooked up to monitors again.

"I want the epidural," I managed to say between sobs and a contraction.   "Wait, no I don't"

Contraction.    "Yes! Yes I do want it. I can't do this."

The nurse sent for the anesthetist and Hubby consoled me because not only was I in a truckload of pain, I was getting an epidural and I was having a panic attack in my head as I weighed the risks with the pain.

I felt like a failure. I had done this whole labour and delivery thing twice before and made it through just fine.   I had tossed around the idea during this last pregnancy that maybe it would be nice to have an epidural, see what all the fuss is about and not experience all the pains.  But every time I really thought about it, I knew I probably wouldn't get one, they scare me too much.

By the time the anesthetist arrived I was fully convinced I was making the right choice.  The contractions were just getting worse and nothing was helping me get through them.   I couldn't understand how they were so painful when I was so early in labor.

They made me hug a pillow and arch my back. Told me not to move and they began their process.  While they jabbed me with that giant needle ( I never looked, Hubby did and nearly passed out, he doesn't do so well with that kinda thing), I prayed.  I prayed that God would pause my contractions so that I could get through the epidural stuff without moving.  I prayed that there would be no mistakes and I would be able to walk after.  And I prayed that it would work and that the pain would lessen.

I thank God that he answers prayers no matter how little and silly they seem.

I can honestly tell you I had a contraction as they made me hug the pillow and didn't have another for a good ten minutes. They had been 2 minutes apart.

They finished putting in the epidural and asked me to lay down. Somewhere in all of the needle stuff Hubby and Mom had switched places.  Mom helped me to lay down and as I went down things started to go a little funny.

"Am I supposed to feel it in my head?  My ears feel funny.  My mouth tastes weir...."  And then my eyes rolled back and I was out.

Apparently, my blood pressure dropped to 60/30 and I went unconscious. They started pumping me full of IV fluids and got me back awake fairly quickly.  They said it was a reaction to the epidural, probably because I hadn't eaten much of anything all day. (Thank the Lord I snuck food after the grumpy nurse took out the medicine)   After they got my blood pressure back up to a good range (thankfully baby did alright during all of that), they started to check if the epidural worked.
Now I can honestly say that I understand why people get them, no more pains, it was awesome.

Then the nurse tried to get me to rest and let things progress.   But honestly, how do you rest after you face your fears and have a giant needle put in your back, then crash and go unconscious, I was so full of adrenaline, sleep was not going to happen.  Thankfully, Hubby did manage to sleep and my mom rested a little while I tossed and turned on the bed and chatted with the lovely nurse for an hour or so.

We stayed like this for a while, Hubby sleeping, Mom resting, nurse checking my blood pressure and the babies almost constantly, and me laying wide awake waiting for baby and praying not to have a csection.  Mom had left the room to grab a drink and use the restroom and I looked at the nurse and said, " Am I having a contraction?"
"But I am now, aren't I?"
"Yes, why can you feel that?"
"Yeah, it feels like as much pain as before the epidural."
"Is it pain or just pressure." She asks as mom enters the room again.

"Pain, and its not going away."
"I am just gonna check you, okay?.....
...You're 10 centimetres." says the excited nurse.
"Shut up! I am not!" I respond laughing.

We woke up the Hubby and the nurse started to ready herself and the room.
The pains got worse and I was kinda surprised I could feel anything.  But she said that feeling it is good and it will help me know when to push.  ( I kinda wish they had upped the dose so I wouldn't feel anything)
"How many babies have you delivered yourself?" I asked the nurse as she tried to ready everything as quick as she could.
"2, and I am not delivering yours." She quickly responded.
"Please, come on, just catch it,  I just need to push!"
"No, Hold it in, he is almost here.  I am not delivering your baby."

She did let me do a "practice push" to see how good I was at pushing but she immediately made me stop and told me not to do that again until the doctor came.

As I began to contemplate just doing it without her and catching it myself, the doctor finally arrived.

A couple pushes and the head was out.

But she was blue and the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, twice.

They told me not to push and it took everything in me not to, her head was out and I wanted her out.
They had to clamp both cords and cut them both before they allowed me to push the rest of her out.
Finally out, they placed her on my belly and tried to rub her. It was like "all hands on deck" as both nurses and myself were rubbing my blue little girl.  Then one nurse scooped her up and took her across to a table and continued to rub her and clear her airways.

My doctor sat quietly trying to bring down the placenta and he left the baby to be tended to by the nurses.   His face was stoic like he was completely focused on his task until the quiet lasted too long for him to bare and he left me to go to help.


A quiet that turned my husband pale white as he collapsed onto a chair, and caused my mom and I to sob as seconds felt like hours.

Then finally the most beautiful sound I have ever heard, the scream of my little girl cut through the silence.  Shortly followed by laughter as she peed all over the table.

Baby Joy (as the kids have called her since last summer) scored 8 out of 10 on her first apgar and 10/10 on her second.   She "fully" entered the world (there was some confusion on when they should say she was born because her head was out earlier) at 5:12 am on February 19th.

After all of the craziness died down and I finally got to hold my precious Joy, the doctor, a christian,  looked at me and my mom and said, "Well, its obvious someone was watching out for you guys." To which my mom replied, "We all know who."

Talking with the nurse and the Doctor and looking at how things played out, we've learned a few things that point to Gods grace and his plan:

1.  Even though I hated it, being overdue was a blessing because I was induced.
2.  Because I was induced, myself and baby were monitored all day.
3.  Likely, the reason I was overdue was because she couldn't drop low enough into the birth canal to help bring on labor. (She could have basically hung herself with her cord if she dropped earlier)
4. We were told that I should have had a cesarian section and even then it could have been iffy.
5. The added pain was likely because her head wasn't low enough to help things along
6. thankfully, I had extra pain because it caused me to have the epidural.
7. Without the epidural I don't think I could have made it through holding her in for so long while waiting for the doctor, or holding her in so they could clamp and cut the cords.
8. Thankfully, we had a nurse that wanted to play it safe and she forced us to wait. (After everything had settled, the nurse looked at me and said, "see thats why I always wait for the doctor.")

God has blessed us so much and has walked us through so much to get to this point.  We are constantly reminded of his plans for us and for our family and each individual child.  His hand is so evident.

Proud Daddy wouldn't leaver her side.
Long fingers and toes. 

Getting examined by her siblings. Her toes were tickled and even smelled by her big brother. 

Little A was so excited to get to hold her and give her kisses.

Only one of us in this photo was very tired after being awake more than 24 hours.  (Hint: Its Me) 

So snuggly and perfect. I am in love. 

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Welcoming Baby - Part 1

I don't even know where to begin to fill you in on what has been happening to me and my family for the past few weeks. Life has been a whirlwind of emotions and stresses and amazing blessings. 

It all started nearly a month ago when I woke up in the morning feeling the pain of contractions and they were already at regular intervals. I had a doctors appointment scheduled for later that day but I was hopeful that I would be heading in to the hospital to deliver my little one instead.  I gave my mom a quick call to let her know that it seemed like things were starting.  

As I began my day and started to get ready to head to the doctors office, my contractions stopped. I was more than frustrated. I was hopeful though, that the doctor would at least tell me that I was progressing and that things had started.  The doctor was kind and said that likely I was right and that things had started. "Your labours normally progress pretty quickly after a slow start," he said as encouragingly as he could. 

Shortly after my doctors appointment my parents arrived. They spent the day with us and we had a lovely time. But, to my further frustration, things never really got started again. My parents went home, though they were both concerned that they would leave and then things would begin and they would miss it. 

This starting and stopping went on for days. Then it just stopped all together and I felt totally normal. Tired and cranky, but normal. 

My doctor scheduled an induction for February 18th, 9 days after my due date.   I hoped and prayed that I wouldn't make it to the induction, and that our baby would make her appearance beforehand. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 4:6-7

I tried to cling to this verse but honestly, I failed.  The night before the induction I lost it. My poor husband.  He did his best to console me and try to bring me back to sanity, but I was freaking out about everything. I was terrified.  

I have been induced before, with Little A, and it was horrible.  Thankfully, with Little A, my body took over since I was already in early stages of labor on my own (the doctors decided to induce anyway to hurry things along). 

This time, I knew what to expect, and I was not excited.  I was lying in bed sobbing.  I was afraid that they would start the induction (they often use a drug put directly on your cervix (thats what they did with Little A)) but that it wouldn't work the same and I would spend the entire day in the hospital to have nothing happen.  Then they would start again the next day with an IV drip of pitocin, which I have been told is horribly painful. Most women who are induced end up in so much pain that it makes even the most die hard natural labour fan choose an epidural.  

And, I am terrified of epidurals!

In my downward spiral of freaking out from fear, the next step from being induced is an epidural, and the next step after an epidural is a c-section. And, for me, the only thing scarier than an epidural is a c-section (I have never broken any bones, or had any surgeries, the only time I have ever been in a hospital is for delivering my babies). 

Anyway, after loosing my marbles before bed, I fell asleep with a tear soaked pillow and tossed and turned the whole night. 

The induction was set for 7:30 February 18th.  That morning, my son woke up crying for me at 5:00 and after that I could not get to sleep again.  

We went to the hospital and were taken to our room that we would be in for the next few days.  We then had to sit and wait for the OB/GYN to show up to get things started.   He came by 9:30, stuck the induction stuff in and then left.    I was then hooked up to a monitor for a few hours to make sure my body didn't react badly to the medication.  
The top is the baby, the black thick
lines are her movements, and the
bottom is my contractions.

The monitor measures my contractions, the baby's movements, and the baby's heart rate.  After the first 2 hours of monitoring, I was allowed to walk the halls and sit in my room. They hooked me back up to the monitor about every 45 minutes for 20 minutes or more. It was incredibly boring. 

With Little A, my induction started at 9 and I had her by 4.  So that was what I was hoping would happen.  It did not.  

I sat and walked and then was monitored, sat and walked and then was monitored.  And I was only allowed to have clear fluids, so I drank water and ate jello and popsicles. It was a very long day. Hubby was entertained by the Olympics on the 8 inch television and we tried to nap and play card games. 

Finally around 4 o'clock my doctor came to check on me.  I knew what he was going to say.  I had been having barely any contractions all morning so I figured, likely nothing was happening.  
This is what happened to my contractions
 right after the doctor adjusted things
His response actually surprised me. Apparently the medication they had put in that morning wasn't working, it had shifted and wasn't in the right spot.  He adjusted things, said he would be back at 9 to break my water and then left. 

After he adjusted the medication, my contractions became much more consistent and painful.  There was a constant pain in my cervix that didn't let up between contractions. I was finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Maybe now that things were actually in the right spots, my labor would take off like with Little A and I would have my precious baby in my arms before midnight.  I was very hopeful. 

At 7, my hopes were dashed.   A very grumpy nurse barged into the room and told me she was going to check me. She was short with me and very gruff.  She checked said I had barely changed since my doctor had checked and that if I didn't progress more by the time she came back in half an hour she would take out the medication and not let me continue. 

She came back in a very short half hour, checked me and aggressively pulled out the medication. 
I was shocked and kind of angry.  I told her that my doctor said he would be back by nine to break my water and I asked what he said about taking out the medication.  Her response was, " I don't care. I just had four women come in in labour and I don't have enough beds for them let alone you. So we will be stopping wether he wants to or not."  She told me I would likely have a few more contractions but that I was not in real labor so I should just stop and go to sleep, they would start again tomorrow. Then she was gone. 

I was heart broken. I did not want to have had that whole day of being in the stupid hospital be for nothing.  I was starving so I sent Hubby home to grab some food for me and to have some himself.  While he was gone my frustration with the grumpy nurse increased.  I decided that I didn't care if she wanted me to or not, I was going to have my baby tonight. I was going to prove her wrong.   

So I started walking the halls hoping that she wouldn't come out and get after me and when I was back in my room I would squat and get into labor progressing positions.  I did whatever I could think of to keep my labour progressing.  

Now I must go, My adorable little girl is no longer sleeping. 


Friday, 7 February 2014


We are still waiting for the arrival of our little girl. She technically is not due until this coming Sunday but I started having some regular contractions Tuesday morning that eventually just stopped cold. So now I have been sitting waiting very impatiently. 

The worst part of this waiting game is that I know what I am waiting for.  I know the pain that lays ahead and I know the immense joy that follows that.  

I have to say, I am experiencing much more anxiety this time around that with the other kids.  I don't know if its from having done this twice now or if its because of all the craziness that happened after the last time, but I am having a harder time being at peace.  

Tuesday when the contractions started, I was so excited and so terrified.  Contractions meant things were really going to happen (or at least thats how it felt until they stopped).   I opened up the bible app on my phone and the verse of the day was as follows.  It was like honey to my soul. 

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 Phillippians 4:6-7 

I love how easily Gods Word can speak to us where we are and what we are going through.  

My mom has reminded me of that verse a few times since Tuesday and it has brought me back out of my anxiety and allowed me to focus, pray, and worship.  Which has brought joy instead of anxiety and peace in place of fear. 

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27

Last night as I was sinking back into some anxiety and fear, my friend texted me.  It was perfect timing.  Her message was simple. 

"  Praying and thinking of you tonight!!  "

I told her a tiny bit about how I was freaking out and basically over-thinking  things. And again God spoke to me through her words. 

"...God has already proved over and over that he is watching over you and your little girl :) all will work out.   "

It is the truth.  God has already brought us through so many scary things with this little girl and He has shined victorious over each of them.  He holds us in the palm of His hand, us and our little baby girl. 

I love this verse from Isaiah. I totally get a silly picture in my head when I read it that is not at all like the rest of the chapter, but I still like it and it speaks to me the way I envision it in my head. 

For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand,
Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’
 Isaiah 41:13

This may make you laugh, but I totally see God as the gentleman helping me step over a puddle.  It must be the hormones or maybe just the romantic side of me, but thats totally what I see when I read those lines. 

And isn't it wonderful to think of God in that light. 
That He, the Lord your God, would hold your hand, comfort you and help you through it. 

That is the picture I see in my head of my God today. The God that will hold my hand, give me comfort, and help me through the turmoil.   I hope that you can see him like that today as well.  That He meets you where you need Him and He helps you through while holding your hand. 

Blessings Friends. 

Friday, 31 January 2014

Almost There

Well, I still am waiting on this little girl to make her grand entrance, but our lives seem to be at their busiest they have been for a longtime.  I apologize for the lack of blogging, but in this season of my life there is a very very small amount of energy left over when I hit the end of the day  noon. 

There have been a few small moments of peace and quiet in our home lately when I can gather my thoughts and converse with God, but they have been short and are ended abruptly when the fighting, crying, or screaming (from my kids) begins.   

The kids are both getting really excited to meet their little sister. Little A has been talking about the room they will someday share and how much fun they will have dressing up like princesses.  The E Man has been running up to me and telling me to "open it" as he pulls at my shirt. He waits til he sees my gigantic belly and then begins to hug and kiss it. But they are not ordinary kisses, it's like a machine gun of kisses. He bobs his head and kisses my belly at 100 kisses a minute, somehow managing to say "Mwah" with each kiss.  

Hubby cannot be more excited or more nervous about the baby coming. He hides it well but I know that he is feeling anxious about the idea of all that will come after her arrival.  Hubby's job allows him to receive full pay while on paternity leave, he will be home with the kids and I for about 17 weeks.  But not only does he get that time home, he will need to go back for a few weeks and then will have his normal summer vacation time of 8 weeks. I would be lying if I told you we planned it out that way, but it did work out wonderfully.  Except, my hubby, who enjoys working with his hands, staying very busy and not sitting idly at home, will be home for 25 weeks.  I think we are both a tad worried he will go crazy. He will be kept busy taking the kids on special dates we have set up, running Little A to dance classes, and a long list of projects I have been trying to compile. But please pray that he doesn't go nuts stuck inside....or that I don't go nuts having him around so much, I am used to him being busy and taking care of the kids in my own for most of the day. 

As for me, I am beyond excited to meet this little blessing and hold her in my arms instead of my belly. But I finally hit the point in my pregnancy where I am totally torn by my feelings.  On one hand, I want my body back to somewhat normal without a human being inside of it causing all sorts of pain in my legs, back and everywhere else. Because of our little miracle, I am not sleeping, only able to stomach small amounts of nourishment, have heartburn like my chest and throat will soon let away, oh and, did I mention, I waddle like a duck? 

 But on the other hand I don't want her going anywhere!  I remember what labor was like, and I really don't want to do that again. So I am a giant ball of emotions waiting to explode and my poor kids are, I am sure, just stuck wondering what's up with their crazy emotional mom.  

Anyway, that what's up with us lately, I will try to be back on here to share our exciting addition. But I can't promise that it won't take a you can see my writing gets a little more, well, hard to follow when I am not sleeping. 

A very large, but hopefully not for much longer, 

As you do not know the path of the wind,
    or how the body is formed  in a mother’s womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
    the Maker of all things.
Ecclesiastes 11:5
This is not how I look this time around
...we haven't had a chance to get a nice picture yet. 

These were from when I was pregnant with Little A.

Both photos were taken by the lovely Krystal, of Moore Photography and Design