Friday, 25 January 2013

Deliberate Love - Build Each Other Up

There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,
But the tongue of the wise promotes health.

Proverbs 12:18

A gentle answer turns away anger, but a sharp word causes anger.
Proverbs 15:1

The mind of the one who is right with God thinks about how to answer, but the mouth of the sinful pours out sinful things.
Proverbs 15:28

Pleasing words are like honey. They are sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but a sinful tongue crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4

He who watches over his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles.
Proverbs 21:23

 It is better to live in a desert land than with a woman who argues and causes trouble.
Proverbs 21:19

God has given us many proverbs to live by about how to communicate with the people around us. Over and over again we are told to think about what we say before we say it. To be kind and thoughtful in our words and not to tare one another down. 

As a child I remember repeating a verse over and over every time I said something rude or hurtful to my sisters. "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up." (1 Thessalonians 5:11) Then my parents would make us say 10 nice things about the person we had hurt. 

It seems like it would be an easy thing to do, but some times it felt impossible. In the heat of the moment and the embarrassment of getting in trouble, it was hard to think of nice things to say about the other person. 

I was reminded of this last night after being frustrated by something hubby did. In my head, there was a fight that raged on, even though Mr T had no idea what was happening. Have you ever had that happen? You sit there stewing and arguing with them in your head, saying hurtful things, them saying things that make you more angry. Then suddenly you end up more angry at your spouse (or anyone really) and they have no idea how it got to that point. 

Well, last night that started to happen to me. And I was stopped in my tracks by that verse that I said too many times to count as a child. (Thanks mom and dad for being so "terrible" and enforcing it even when we hated it, and for making that verse stick)

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up. So, I stopped. And in my head I started to list all of the amazing things that hubby is and does that make me love him so much. And wow did it help. 

Honestly, it was hard at first because I was angry. So the first one ends up being something stupid like, "I like his eyes". Then slowly as you actually start remembering that you do really love them and your just angry with them right now, it starts to get easier and easier, and your mood gets better and better. 

So I offer you this challenge today. (I am doing it too) :

~Next time you say something hurtful to your spouse, friend, sibling, parent...etc, stop and apologize and tell them at least one of the things that you love about them. Build them up instead of tare them down. 

~If you are fighting with someone. Start a list in your head about how wonderful they are. Write it down if you have to. And then later, when you are patching things up, remember to tell them about it. Tell them why you love them, what makes them so special. 

~Even when you are not fighting with a loved one, make sure to build them up. Try to tell your spouse, daily, something you love about them. It really helps to rekindle the romance, make you more appreciative, and shows them how much you really do care. 

No comments:

Post a Comment