Tuesday, 1 January 2013


Yesterday, while playing with her toys and going up and down between the main floor and the family room, Little A said the scariest thing I have heard her say to date.

"I'm not beautiful," she said with the most matter of fact serious little girl voice.

My heart sank. I almost instantly started to cry as I pulled her close and told her that she was wrong. "You are the most beautiful little girl in the world, God made you perfectly and He loves you very much."

She has never said anything like that about herself. We are very good about telling her how special and beautiful God made her. At nearly two, she already knows that God made her special and He loves her very much. She has told us many times that she is beautiful and normally says it whenever we brush her hair or if she puts on a special outfit (any outfit she likes really).

I am not sure if she said what she did because she associates it with wearing something special, she had just taken off a necklace. But it was just so out of nowhere and it is so unlike her. Until this point she has been very confident in herself and the gifts God has given her. Normally we hear things like, "I'm gorgeous!" or "God made me a good singer." ( And no I am not worried about her becoming conceited, she is nearly two and I think that it is better to build her up as much as possibly now so that she maybe doubts it a little less later) 

It took me until the end of the day as I was talking to hubby about it, to realize that I only did one of the things I should have in the situation. Yes, it was important to talk to her and tell her the truth and that God made her exactly how she is supposed to be. 

But where I fell short is that I didn't immediately pray for her and with her. To break off the attack of the enemy immediately.  

Because thats what that is, an attack against her and the rest of her life. A lie from the enemy trying to get in and tell her something that will change her life forever.  

How many of us struggle with self image. With self loathing and a desire to change who we are and become something "better", more like the rest of the world. 

I myself have struggled with body image my whole life.  As a child I was fearful of becoming like my overweight extended family. I had always been the smallest in my own family and for a long time was very slim. When my body started to change and mature, it freaked me out. I was terrified that I was just going to get bigger and bigger. So I began to eat less and less. I would eat when I had to but would avoid eating much more than an apple if there wasn't anyone watching. 

My parents and sisters didnt even know anything was wrong. I kept it secret and tried to make everything seem normal. I never got to the point where I looked noticeably skinny and sickly. But given more time I am sure that it would have escalated to that. 

The breaking point of it all was a night I will always remember. We had eaten a huge family dinner, I had been barely eating for much longer than healthy and I was starving. I ate way more than I had allowed myself to in a long time. I felt sick.  I wanted to make myself puke so badly but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Once everyone went to bed I snuck into the kitchen to find some exlax. I figured at least that way I could get the food out of me quickly and my parents would just figure that I came down with some flu or something. 

Standing in the dimly lit kitchen holding a box of exlax, trying to decide how much to take, I broke. 

There was a battle going on in my head of what I knew to be truth and the lies that I had started to believe. I am sure that there was someone out there praying for me at that point because suddenly the darkness was broken, the lies were cast out of my mind and the truth became undeniable. I put the box back and went to bed with a full stomach that felt so good. 

If we are going to pray for our children and cannot find the words or specific things to pray for them, the best thing we can do is to pray the truth over them. That God will speak his truth into them all of the days of their lives. 

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 
John 1:1

Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. 
John 17:17

The God we follow speaks truth, is truth. Pray that his voice will be the one that our children listen too. And fill them up with the words of God and teach them how much God loves them and how it was He who created them and made them exactly how they need to be and for a purpose. 

Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it,
    “You did not make me”?
Can the pot say to the potter,
    “You know nothing”?

Isaiah 29:16
Me and my Beautiful Little A 

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