Monday, 29 April 2013

Working On It

Over the past few months, Hubby and I have both been really trying to put an effort in and work on our relationship. Things have been going wonderfully and we both feel closer than ever. 

We have both been trying to deliberately show love in the best way for our spouse to receive it. We have entered into the 5 Love Languages 5 Week Challenge, and it has been going really well. 
I think the best part about the challenge is the reminders that it sends.  I know that I personally have been doing the challenges as soon as I can when I get them and then I have also been trying to use the conversation starters as well. It is a great challenge and we both have enjoyed using it. 

I have found it very helpful to know which Love Language speaks most to my Hubby. It has also been very interesting to see my own love languages and how they have changed,  I took the test before we were married and the results were very different. 

Knowing what love language speaks to me has been very useful in arguments. At the beginning of last week I had been working really hard to get our basement cleaned up so that we could do some rearranging of furniture. I am not the greatest at cleaning and it usually takes me a long time to get the task completed to my liking, especially with little ones running around.  

After work Hubby went downstairs to move something and says, " Seriously, is it ever going to be cleaned up down here? This is horrible."  He did not notice the hard work that I had done, it was not finished by any means, since the kids woke up from too short of naps, but a huge dent had been made. 

My love language is words of affirmation. Hubbies is tied with acts of service and physical touch. 

Though I worked really hard and was trying to show love by doing acts of service for Hubs, he failed to see my efforts.  His words were completely the opposite of showing me love through words of affirmation. 

Thankfully, because of the challenge, I was able to put my finger on why his words upset me so much. It was really great to be able to defuse the situation and clarify things right away.  ( He didn't mean what he said as a jab at me, he just was frustrated with all the boxes that were down there and that it was still so unusable after being moved in for 5 months) 

Along with the 5 week challenge, we have been trying to make an effort to schedule in dates at least once every two weeks. There are times that it just doesn't work for us to get out and leave the kids with a sitter so we use some of the at home dates (found here).  

Also, we have been continuing to pray together and have both been praying for each other throughout our day.  I have found that I can really tell the difference when Hubby prays for me, I can really tell when I am being covered by prayer. 
An old date night photo,
this was one of our first dates after having Little A 

The previous things that we had tried while trying to be deliberate in our love, holding hands, respecting, building each other up, spending time, etc., we have been continuing to do. They have become much less deliberate and more of a good habit. There are still times when the kids are seemingly insane and supper is boiling over and the house is a mess as Hubby walks in the door, and those times, it does take a lot more effort to try to put on a smile, show him respect for the long day he has had and welcome him with love.  Days when I feel like just yelling and making him take the baby that is screaming and crying at my feet as I try to prepare supper, its those days that I need him to show me love and he needs me to show him respect. 

I think that has been the biggest help for both of us, knowing that he needs my respect and I need his love.  That we were made to complete each other, that we are different but both a part of Gods image. Knowing that God is in our relationship with us, that He joined us together and that no man can separate us. 

Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33

 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Genesis 2:19-25

Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Mark 10:9 

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