Part Two - Lies and Love

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10

For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ.  And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.  It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.
2 Corinthians 11:13-15

Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake,  in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
2 Corinthians 2:10-11

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith,because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
1 Peter 5:8-9


Sometimes I am thrown off guard by the ways the enemy uses to steal my joy. His schemes can be hard to see sometimes and sometimes it is difficult to recognize his lies. 
When I was dealing with the third of our miscarriages, I was in a horribly dark and low place in my life. 

I was becoming depressed. I was hiding my feelings from everyone and when asked how I was doing my response was always the same, a smile and "fine."  Those that know me knew that there was more going on, but I did not willingly give up any information about what I was going through.  

I believed the lie that I was told. I believed I was in it alone and that no one would understand. 


I continued to go deeper and deeper into self loathing, anger and resentment toward God and lack of trust in his plan. 


One day as I was getting ready for work alone, hubby used to work early so he was gone well before I was awake, I was told a lie. A voice whispered in my ear saying, " You should just kill yourself."


I was overcome by many emotions in an instant. Sadness. Fear. Rage. 


I knew that this voice was not my own.  I, thank God, was able to recognize the voice of the enemy. (For those that did not notice, let me point out that the enemy said "you", You should kill yourself. Be mindful of that, there are lies that can be told in first person but this was obviously an outside voice and not my own.)


It was in that moment that I ran to God. I curled up on the floor sobbing and asking him to hold me in his arms. To bring comfort and healing. To show me his plan and purpose, because despite the enemy, I knew there was something to come. I held on to the knowledge that God has good plans for my future. 


 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosperyou and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11


You make known to me the path of life;    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11


In their hearts humans plan their course,    but the Lord establishes their steps.   
Proverbs 16:9

Do you not know?    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,    and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary    and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,    and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;    they will run and not grow weary,    they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

I did not let this attack go uncountered.  I believe that when we are attacked we need to attack back.  It is not always about defense.

I prayed against that demon, I cast it out in the Name of Jesus. I prayed the blood of Jesus over me and my husband and our home. I called on the Holy Spirit to bring healing into our lives and to show us where we are allowing the enemy to get a foothold.

Then I made a counter strike.  I prayed against the spirit of depression in my family and my husbands. I asked God to reveal the truth to them, to open their eyes and bring them his Joy. I prayed for our children, those we lost and those I was finding hope to think would come.

Then I prayed over our city. I prayed the blood of Jesus over our city and I asked that the Holy Spirit would move here and change lives. That people would find joy that day, that God would meet them where they are at and that people would feel joy.

That attack of the enemy turned things around for me.  It was then that I started to allow the emotions I was dealing with to actually get talked about, and really dealt with. That attack was totally used for Gods good plan, it was when I turned to God angry and broken and asked for his help. His healing power.  That was when God met me in my brokenness.


You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.    
Genesis 50:20

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;therefore I will wait for him."The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:22-26